(no subject)

Every so often there is a story that is so disturbing that it haunts me for hours or days after I read it. A few months ago, it was Baby Isaac - a baby that only lived 18 minutes. There was a blog and pictures posted and STILL to this day, I can't get him out my head.

Today it was a little toddler named Riley Ann or known as Baby Grace. A little girl that was beaten to death by her MOTHER and stepfather. I had heard about the story. And since having my daughter - crimes against children send a potent chill down my spine. But this got me:

Collapse )

I just about threw up on my desk. Tears stung my eyes. I couldn't get out work fast enough to grab my little girl and hold her close. How the fuck does a mother do that? How do you raise a hand like that when your child is saying 'I love you'? That little girl will haunt my dreams.

  • Current Mood
    nauseated nauseated

Passing it along...

Copy this sentence into your LiveJournal if you're in a heterosexual marriage, and you don't want it "protected" by the bigots who think that gay marriage hurts it somehow.

Don't it go by in a flash

Tomorrow, I have to leave this face. I'll be sitting at work and hating every minute of it. Three and a half months went by so fast. I knew I would love my daughter, I don't think I was prepared for how much I would. She is a really cool little person. *sigh*

  • Current Mood
    depressed depressed

Grace makes beauty out of ugly things

Well, here she is....Grace Joan. Here she is after 16 hours of labor. The days leading up to her birth were filled with anxiety and at least one trip to the hospital on Sunday when she was being very quiet. The nights leading up to her birth, we went to dinner every night since we knew that would stop the moment she entered our world.

Wednesday morning, we slept in. I was instructed to call first thing - which for me was 8am. I was told to call back at noon. We informed the family that nothing was happening yet. Meanwhile, we paced and got things ready. I checked and reorganized our hospital bags. A little before noon, I called them. "Yeah, come right in," the woman said. "Right now?" I asked....somehow not really ready for this. "Yup." It was weird leaving the house know it would never be the same again.

The ride to the hospital was loong and yet seemed very quick. I was ushered into a room and changed into a johnny. They checked to see how far along I was and hooked up my IV for fluid and eventually pitocin.

3PM- They start the pitocin. Family starts flying to the hospital. Our phone is ringing off the hook.

5PM- Family shows up and contractions have started. They are uncomfortable, but far from unbearable. The family starts to get on our nerves. The moms are very concerned how long this will take. My nurse Kari delivers the bad news that it could a long night.

7PM- Contractions are getting stronger. We have kicked the family out.  They were driving me crazy. Scott updates them on my progress. I have now cycled through 2 nurses and now we have Cindy.

Collapse )

  • Current Mood
    accomplished accomplished

(no subject)

So, I called the hospital this morning. Call back at noon and they will "probably, definitely have us come in." Oh boy. It's going to be a loooong day.

(no subject)

Tomorrow, I get induced. Tonight is my last night of sleep and relaxation. My life will never be the same again. I have to admit, I have mixed emotions about it. I know I'm blessed to be on the cusp of motherhood. But our life (with my husband) is a good life. I know a baby will add to that, but I'll admit that I'm nervous. No more doing whatever we want when we want. Our relationship will change too and I hope for the better. Suddenly being a couple will be work as we become parents. It will be years before we can cuddle in bed on a Sunday morning - alone. I'm sure I'm not the first mom-to-be that has the night before jitters. It's not like we didn't plan this and want this. We did. We do. I guess it's normal to mourn the passing of one life phase as you get ready to celebrate a new chapter. 
  • Current Mood
    anxious anxious
Happy Lowell

Graduation Day

I was given a nudge to post on my LJ which is nice since I figured no one read it. I usually post on today. Not June 5th or Thursday, but on Harvard’s Commencement or Graduation Day. For 6 years, this day is marked with some sadness for me as I get off the T and watch people young and old cluster into Harvard Yard for one of the biggest days of their lives. I’m filled with jealousy and melancholy that I never (through no fault but my own) had a day like this. I make solemn vow that I WILL have that day. I will have my friends and family stand around and be very proud for my hard fought success and all the sacrifices I made in preparation of this day.
This year, I feel none of that sadness. I’m not jealous. I am genuinely happy for these strangers in robes. (How fitting that Rowling is the Commencement Speaker). At the end of June, I’ll have my own graduation into motherhood. And not to diminish the achievements of graduates, this seems much more important in the scheme of things. Suddenly, my education takes a backseat to my little one’s education. Providing for him or her is the most important thing I can do in my life right now.
As far as the pregnancy goes – 37 weeks today. I have 3 weeks left. It’s getting more uncomfortable. Baby is head down and getting ready to go. I’ve taken parenting/childbirth/breastfeeding classes. Things in the house are starting to shape up. Even though it’s getting a little painful, I’m happy to wait until the due date for baby to come. Ask me this in 2 weeks though.
  • Current Mood
    contemplative contemplative
Mike Lowell 2

(no subject)

For kicks, I went on my high school website to poke around at the alumni section. I went to the deceased section. I was shocked to see my senior year boyfriend died 3 years ago. He was 33 or 34. We only dated for about 3 months and he had my friend Matt breakup with me....but it was definitely a shock.
  • Current Music